Anyway, I ask of you, would you bone a celebrity who at one point was attractive but now has a face like a wrinkly, spotty ass? This came up because, with awards season in full swing, we've been seeing a lot of Mickey Rourke as a result of his amazing performance (so I hear) in The Wrestler, which I plan on seeing very very soon to prepare for the Oscars. Now many of you may not remember since now he looks like a busted old boot, but Old Mick used to be quite a tasty piece of bad boy ass. Recall:
I mean, look at that face. It's positively adorable, yet rugged. He looks like he'd force intercourse on you in a motel bathroom, then buy you breakfast and admit he always thought you were beautiful. In other words, a dreamboat!
Now Rourkey looks like he would pass out out midway into forced intercourse in a motel bathroom, but not before vomiting on your sandals and weeping uncontrollably about his lost dog. In other words, ballsack nasty! Check:
So since reading/hearing/barfing to the rumors that Old Mick has been slipping the hot beef into supple young starlet Evan Rachel Wood, who despite her penchant for whore make-up and questionable taste in men (i.e. former boyfriend Marilyn Manson) is a total PYT, I've been thinking to myself, "Would you? No, really. Would you?"
Personally, no matter sexy someone used to be, I just can't do it. I can't. OMG, like gag! Mickey Rourke looks like he tastes of stale cigars, bong water, and poorly cooked Hungry Man meals. He's not even ugly sexy, like Alan Rickman or Gary Oldman, who I not-so-secretly fantasize as the wheat bread to my bologna in a hot, meaty sex sandwich. Yummers!
Then again, I bet he's a wildcat. I bet he makes you to jump on the bed while he swills whiskey from the bottle, and smacks your bottom when you're being too cute. I like jumping on the bed, and I don't mind an ass tap from time to time. But in my dreams that involve this same scenario, it's never the Mickster I imagine. It's one or all of the Hanson brothers, who are totally hot now by the way. Mmmm super Christian ass tappy good times.
Anyway, let's put it to a vote. To my three friends who read this, would you ride the Rourke even though his face looks like a foot? Or do you prefer a handsome Hanson, who will probably try to impregnate you with his Jesus-loving seed so as to provide more warriors for the Lord? Leave a comment.
finicky fornicator...alex
IF MICKEY ROURKE WERE TO SHAVE HIS HEAD, THAT STUPID THING HE HAS GROWING AROUND HIS MOUTH, AND IF YOU SPEND THE WHOLE TIME SQUINTING....I THINK HE WOULD RESEMBLE ANGELINA JOLIE?! IN WHICH CASE, I WILL HUMP HIM SILLY!! CAUSE THERE IS NO WAY THAT I WILL LET ONE OF HANSON BOYS DO THE DIRTY; TOO SCARED THAT IN THE MIDST OF IT ALL ONE OF THEM WILL START MMMBOP'ING HIS HEART OUT WHILE THE OTHER TWO STORM IN ON CUE!!
ReplyDeleteI don't know, ma fren. I think a Hanson Brother (Preferably the littlest one. Yeah im a perv. Deal with it! He's hot and legal now) softly singing MmmBop into my ear whilst dropping some knowledge on my goodies would be kind of hot. I might even let the other Hansons get in on the action, even though ones a goofy f**ker and the other one is prettier than I could ever dream to be and it makes me sad. I just saw The Wrestler though, and I may have changed my mind. Another post coming soon. I will be using your comments here within that post. Read again later, potater.
ReplyDeleteTo nail the Rourke would be to sleep with all of history, good and bad. Oh! To have such wisdom thrust within you!
ReplyDeleteI can almost guarantee the Hanson aliens have no genitalia, male or female. An extraterrestrial-wich would prove to be futile. Coat yourself in rubber latex and hump the dryer. I must believe this would be more enjoyable!